How To Handle Home Project Indecision
Let’s talk about something I see all the time as an interior designer: the loving, well-meaning couple who falls into the paralysis trap of home project indecision. One of you is drawn to cozy English cottage charm, while the other wants clean lines and zero knick-knacks. Or, one of you thinks color adds personality, while the other wants beige everywhere. Somewhere in the middle of these varying preferences, things stall out.
Enter me—your designer, your collaborator, and occasionally, your home improvement couples therapist.
Why Is It So Hard to Decide?
Design decisions are deeply personal. They’re about taste, sure—but also about identity, nostalgia, your vision for the future, and, sometimes, a deeply rooted aversion to yellow because your childhood bathroom was floor-to-ceiling lemon tile. Add two people to the mix, each with their own design histories and emotional flashbacks to unfortunate window valances, and you’ve got a recipe for decision gridlock.
But don’t worry. You can get through this! The first step? Figure out which type of indecision dynamic you’re dealing with. I see three common patterns:
1. The “We Don’t Know What We Want” Couple
(a.k.a. Two indecisive people staring at a wall of paint swatches like they’re reading ancient scrolls in a lost language)
This is very common. Both partners are open-minded, flexible… and utterly stuck.
Tip: Bring in a third party.
This is where a designer (hi!) can be a total lifesaver. If hiring a designer isn’t in the cards, call in your style-savvy sister, that friend with the impossibly cool apartment, or even your mom (if you promise not to get mad when she starts walking around critiquing every room in your house.). Having a fresh, confident voice can help clarify what you’re drawn to and why.
2. The “One of Us Can’t Decide” Couple
(a.k.a. One person found the perfect light fixture three weeks ago. The other is still “thinking about it.”)
In this case, one partner has strong opinions and a clear vision. The other is either overwhelmed, indifferent, or terrified of making a “wrong” choice.
Tip: Designate a decision-maker
Let the confident partner take the lead, but make it their responsibility to represent both voices. That means listening carefully, asking questions, and checking in before clicking “add to cart.” A good decision maker doesn’t just pick what they like—they advocate for the vision you’re building together.
3. The “We Both Have Opinions” Couple
(a.k.a. Two people arguing over a light fixture)
This one’s fiery. You both care. A lot. You both have good taste. And you both probably could design the space solo—if the other person would just see reason.
Tip: Pick your battles, and prepare to win and lose.
Compromise is key. Make sure to give each other a “win”. For example, if one of you gets to choose the backsplash, the other gets final say on the lighting.
If you’re both deadlocked on a shared space (like a kitchen), try identifying your shared values first—function, mood, lifestyle—then look for solutions that meet both needs. This is where a designer will play mediator, translating “cozy English pub” and “modern desert ranch” into something shockingly harmonious.
Homes, Like Relationships, Are Built Together
Whether you’re frozen with too many choices, feeling unsure of your own style, or trying to negotiate between maximalism and minimalism, the most important thing to remember is: you’re on the same team.
If you find yourself in the throes of design indecision and your group text about tile samples is starting to get a little passive-aggressive… contact me. I’ll bring swatches, snacks, and a deep well of patience.
